If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
