there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
pray to the hookup gods
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
