I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
