his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
