peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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