I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
