im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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