I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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