There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
