So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
