i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
My feet surprised me
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
