I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
