I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
