Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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