community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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