Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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