He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
