Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
