he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
