True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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