I was born with a shot glass in my hand
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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