my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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