If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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