I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
