I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
