I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I love you. Go after that dick
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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