Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
