Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
