Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
