I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
