You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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