fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
