im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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