You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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