dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
