oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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