If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Drunk is a universal language darling
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
