Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
