I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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