he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize
