Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It's never too late to be topless.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
