At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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