I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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