the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
