so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
