im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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