Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
