Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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