areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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