When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
