i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
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