I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize