I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize