we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
