I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
