My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
