How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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