Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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