I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Houston, we have a blender
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Randomize
