In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
