Whod you bang
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize