Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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