You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
