So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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