that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize