East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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