So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Buhtt sex?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
