Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I AM VODKA MAN
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
