The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
