i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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