but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Panties = found
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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