i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
