omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
