i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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