yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
