Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
just tell him i said nine months
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
