you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
