youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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