I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
