Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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