If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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