just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
