This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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