My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
