I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
