break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
