Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
