You can't special order awesome
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
