laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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