Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
