he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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