so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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