I want to make a zoo with you.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
