so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Randomize
