You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
