roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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