in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
