he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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